More changes ahead...

I've worked weekends for 8 1/2 years now- since I finished my new-hire orientation at work and was off on my own. I've worked either Sat, Sun, Mon or Fri, Sat, Sun nights the entire time. It just worked out. At first, Chris had a job that required him to work weekends, as well. Then, when the kids came along, my working weekends enabled us to schedule our activities without having them in child care. At all.

Just recently, I traded a Friday every other week for a Thursday night to make soccer season a little less wretched for me- all the kids' games are on Saturday. Working every Friday and Saturday night meant no sleep for the mom if I wanted to attend games. The change worked well, and I started thinking. With Chris home, we have "child care" (really, it's not child care if it's one of the parents- we've both always thought it's crazy to say a mom or a dad is "babysitting" their own child). Since Aiden and Paige are both in a traditional school system, our travel is limited to weekends, unless we want them to miss school. Well, then I have to miss work.... So.... I proposed a whole schedule overhaul- first to my hubby, then to the girls at work. Lucky for me, everyone was on board.

So, starting Monday morning, I will no longer be an "every weekend" girl. Woohoo!!! There are 4 of us that are core staff on my unit on nights. We've got it set up to where each of us will take one weekend a month (basically; it's actually a 4 week rotating schedule). This means that the days of 3 on, 4 off every week are gone, but it's arranged so that everyone has a 7-8 day stretch off once a month. That will be nice.

We'll see how it all works. Hopefully no one hates it.

Oh yeah, and I was assigned jury duty this month. that's right, this month. I thought it was only a one week thing!!!! Not so in my county. I guess I'm lucky it's in February, when there are only 28 days......

Mundane activities

There is nothing new or interesting to report so far this week.... I worked, we grocery shopped, the kids have dentist appointments today. Finn is cruising all around the furniture, and has attempted the stairs. We're going to buy a new baby gate this week..... Aiden is reading more and more, and has started reading to earn video game time. He blows me away with how much he already knows. Paige has been driving me crazy- always wanting a "snack", and usually about 15 seconds after "finishing" 3 bites of whatever meal we have just eaten. I got part of my yearly "bonus" from work last paycheck, so we are going out to dinner tonight (all of us), and to the mall this afternoon after the dentist. Our very favorite store in the mall- the Disney Store- is closing its doors. We are lucky enough to be one of the 10 stores they are closing nationally. Just to turn around and open 20 other stores elsewhere.... Ugh. Hmmmm.... I finished one crappy book and one great one, and have a new Nora Roberts to start at work this weekend. And I MUST remember to make those muffins to take to Paige's school tomorrow for snack.......

But here are some new pics of the kids. And Finn's hair is really starting to get long- note the "wings"....

Working Nights

Some times I think these 12 hour night shifts are trying to kill me......

Don't get me wrong, I love working nights. I'm still on nights after 8 1/2 years. There's a different culture that exists for night shift workers, both in interpersonal relations and hospital environment. It's fun, we laugh alot, we have a tad bit more autonomy, and people help each other more. I'm one of those crazy people that will only move to days when I have to for some reason or another.

I'm also one of those disgusting people that can sleep anywhere, any time at the drop of a hat. So, the whole switching back and forth thing has never been too grueling for me. I've never gotten sick or rundown like some of my co-workers do. It works out child-care wise for us to (or did, when we needed childcare....).

That being said, I hate "mornings". It doesn't matter if the morning is at 8am or 4pm. I thoroughly dislike getting out of my bed. I'm grumpy, and it takes me awhile to "wake up". This really is not fair to my kids, all of whom are perky morning people. And lately, I have been waking up after my night shifts feeling like I was hit head on by a Mack truck. All headachy, lethargic, and more grumpy than usual. Once I'm up for awhile, I'm my usual perky self, but the getting there is starting to take a little longer.

I hope this is just a cruel phase my body is going through. Maybe I just need a vacation ;)...

A New Journey

When I was younger, all I wanted to be was a mommy. I've been fascinated with the process of pregnancy since I was about 8 years old. We had a science book that contained some of Lennart Nilsson's in-utero photography (if you've never seen his pics, look him up- they're amazing). Seeing those tiny little cells grow into tiny little humans, to me, was magic. So much so that my chosen field of work revolves around pregnancy and childbirth.

I used to dream about the days when I would carry my own children. Imagine my delight when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. Then I discovered that pregnancy, for me, was as magical as I dreamed it would be. Yes, I am one of those disgusting women that loves being pregnant. Pregnancy certainly isn't perfect, but I think that all the discomforts and inconveniences are far outweighed by the experience of growing new life.

Through all my happy experiences, I've had friends, co-workers, and patients who have not had happy or easy pregnancies, or have not been able to carry a pregnancy at all. I have always seen surrogacy as a valid means of reproductive aid for those who cannot carry a pregnancy on their own. After I had Aiden- a healthy term pregnancy with no complications- I decided that surrogacy was something that I wanted to do. The feeling grew over my next two pregnancies, as I continued to have healthy pregnancies.

There are many things that I can't, or don't, do in this life. I can grow healthy babies. I feel like growing a baby for a couple who is unable is giving the gift of life and family. My family is my world- why wouldn't I want to help give that to someone else? Chris wasn't sure about the whole thing at first, but we've done a lot of talking over the years. He's seen how much I enjoy pregnancy (and heck, I even enjoy the delivery process), and he knows for himself how precious our family is. During my last pregnancy, he agreed with me that this was something we could do for another family.

My plan was to start looking into the whole process when Finn was about 18 months old. Then, this past summer, I had some medical issues that looked as though they might interfere with my plan. I was crushed, and mourned the possibility of a surrogate pregnancy almost as much as I might have mourned the thought of never having another child of my own. That surprised me; I didn't know that I was so attached to the idea. But just yesterday, my doctor gave me the thumbs up, and said that another pregnancy would be safe.

Chris and I were both pretty excited over the news. I don't know how long the whole process takes from the very beginning, but hopefully I'll find out soon. We emailed a surrogacy clinic that is here in town last night.

Here's to the very beginning of a new journey. Hopefully it's one we will see to the end.

Kindergarten Rite of Passage

Aiden wants to ride the bus. He's wanted to ride the bus since his pre-school last year got to "tour" a big yellow school bus and take a quick ride.

I hated riding the bus. In fact, there is still a vague feeling of revulsion that settles deep in my belly every time I see one of those yellow and black beacons of childhood roll by. For me, the bus was just one more place to be tormented by the "popular kids". I remember begging my mom to please just take me to and from school. Which was impossible for my family at that time, and not realizing (this was middle school) how far the school really was from our house. Needless to say, I ditched riding the bus as soon as my friends started driving. And I vowed that my kids would never ride the bus unless it was their choice.

Enter kindergarten bussing. It's the same as regular bussing. My sweet little 6 year old on the monstrous yellow behemoth with kids all the way up to 5th grade. With no seatbelts. And no child safety seats. Kids are supposed to stay in boosters to 8 years or 80 pounds these days for crying out loud!!! My smaller-than-average little man does not need to be rattling around in something so unsafe! And, with Chris and I both home during the week, we can take him back and forth ourselves.....

But he begged, and argued, and pleaded his case. For those of you who don't know Aiden well, this can be a very arduous process. Aiden is a natural debater- we think he'll make a great criminal attorney someday. I was not, and still am not, ready for him to ride the bus. But isn't part of parenting learning to let go- a little at a time?

So, we compromised. This morning at 1121, the bus is going to pick up our oldest and cart him off to school. (School that starts at 1215.) We are going to be there to pick him up (at the school)when the day is over. In a month or so, if he likes it, we may flip it so that we take him and the bus brings him home. And if that goes well, and he still really wants to, we may just let him ride all the time.

But then again, we may not let him ride back and forth until next year, when the school is a little closer to home.

I'm a nurse. I work in a hospital. My chosen area of work is rooted in labor and delivery- bringing life into the world. My specialty is antepartum, taking care of the women in our area that are living with high-risk pregnancy. It's so fulfilling to get someone through a dangerous time of pregnancy to a place where she can deliver a baby that is ultimately going to be healthy. Our unit is a happy place 98% of the time. We do deal with death, and when we do it is devastating- but it's not as often as other areas of the hospital. Helping bring life into the world is indescribable, and what I always wanted to do.

That being said..... We had one hell of a night last night. Because of good ol' HIPPA, there's not too much I can say about the whole experience. And we've been hammered... I mean spoken to about posting about work experiences on public forums. Oh well; I'm still going to share. A little.

We're trained to deal with emergencies. On my floor, they drill into us what to do if we have a preemie deliver before we can get our pts to a labor room. We take neonatal resuscitation. We have scavenger hunts to find equipment (okay, only when they move something), and they have all kinds of "educational" signs posted everywhere....

So imagine our moment of panic when the emergency light went off in one of our rooms, and we ran in to find the patient care nurse trying to rouse her gray and unresponsive patient. She was a relatively fresh post-op pt with several underlying medical conditions. All I could think was thank god she's already delivered. Very loooong story short, sweet, with not too many details: My adrenaline flooded (especially since I was in charge.... ), we called a code- though she always had a pulse, there were a million people on my floor who were amazing, they got her responsive, and got her the hell off my unit.

After the rush faded back a little, and we were all debriefing I realized a couple things.
Just because our float nurses walk by the crash cart every day, it doesn't mean they remember where it is.
I know where everything is for a neonatal emergency in a heartbeat.... but not for a maternal emergency.
All the training falls into place, and we work amazingly as a team.

Thanks to my girls that were there tonight. We saved a life.
And if that never happens again, it'll be too soon.

Half-Empty Today?

I'm usually a glass-full kind of person. To me it only makes sense.... Why go through life bitching about the things you can't fix? Focus on the positive, and you'll be a happier person.

Well, everyone has their "days", and I guess today was one of mine. Every now and then something happens, and I have to wallow in the half-empty side of life for awhile.

Chris had a job interview early this week- the first he's had in two years. It was a great prospect, sent along by one of his previous professors. He even had one of the most shining letters of recommendation I've ever read. He was chosen as one of 10 interviewees out of 121 applicants. And the job was in his chosen field. Very hard to come by in our small-ish town.

We found out at lunch time today that he was passed over for the job. Needless to say that the mood in our house quickly turned downhill. Now, being the usually optimistic girl that I am, I tried to keep it upbeat, and find the positive in the situation. Which worked (for me) for awhile.

But sometimes I just can't hold on to it. I was disappointed. Chris was disappointed. We'd gotten our hopes up and started dreaming of the things we could do when he was working again. I had to let myself wallow for awhile. Without letting Chris see me wallow too much- I know he already felt bad enough as it was. We're both wondering is it ever going to happen????

I'll say what I've said a million times: It will when it's supposed to.

So, here are a few things I've learned about life from being an (unintentionally) single-income family:

Life gives you what you need, and not always what you want.

Enjoy what you have. Having more isn't necessarily better.

It doesn't have to be expensive to be fun.

Appreciate every day you have together as a family; it isn't always going to be this way.

Small houses are filled with a lot of love (and they're easier to clean).

Pink Passions

Do you remember those days before children, when you used to say, "When I'm a mom/dad, I'm never going to......"??? Yeah. Well.

One of the things I used to swear was that I would never dress my daughter(s) in primarily pink, and I wouldn't put her in those foofy, ruffly party dresses so many moms love.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against pink itself. It's just that everything baby girl is pink, and I was staunchly opposed to having my little girl decked out in pink from head to toe from day one. We even did the nursery in lavender and sage to appease this sentiment. But let's face it.... Most girls are just cute in pink. So, month by month, season by season, more of that dreaded color crept into Paige's wardrobe. But I do try to keep a good mix of other colors in there, too....

And the foofy dresses.... Well, they certainly are pretty (some of them, anyway) but they're just not practical for children. My kids love to jump and run and scream and wrestle, paint and color and glue and glitter. Most of which seems impossible while wearing a confection of a party dress. I love dresses, but tend(ed) to buy Paige dresses of the knit, durable variety that leggings can easily be thrown under for an active day.

One thing that we as adults never think about when we're going on about all the "things I'm never going to do" is the will of the child. Unless you are a complete dictator or have an extremely mellow (passive?) child, there comes a point when what you want your child to wear doesn't matter any more.

Enter Paige's new pink party dress. She loves pink. She loves dresses. And she just about tossed her marbles when she saw the whole rack of frilly, foofy party dresses at Costco today. Since the price was reasonable, we let her pick one. She picked the pinkest, puffiest one she could find.

Now, I could have lied and told her that they didn't have that one in her size. There were others that Chris and I liked waaaaay better. But why stomp on the girl's style?

Looks like she'll be running, jumping, painting, and glittering in a pink party dress.

Blast from the Past

I'll admit it.... I'm a Facebook junkie. I'm quickly becoming a blog junkie, too, but I just can't seem to stay away from Facebook. One of my favorite things is reconnecting with friends I knew from back in the day. My oldest "friend" on Facebook is a girl I went to elementary school with in Germany. Who would have thought, when we lost touch so many years ago, that we would "find" each other again now? On the computer???

So the other night I was trolling..... uh looking around Facebook. I went to the GHS alumni page (my high school), and started flipping through the people there. I love to do this every 6 months or so just to see who's popped up since I last looked. There were several of my friends there this time that weren't last time, and a few people I knew only in passing, but liked or admired.

Now in HS, I was shy. Or quiet. Or soft spoken. Whatever you want to call it. Socially awkward is my favorite way to put it, and I still am socially awkward most times. The great thing about FB (and texting!!!!) is that I can talk to people without actually talking to them. I love chatting with people, just not out loud. And yes, this includes all the people in my life that I talk to now..... I can IM with the best of them.

Anyhow, I sent my old friends and acquaintances messages just to say hello. I'm always just a tiny bit hesitant... What if someone I msg doesn't remember me, or doesn't remember our friendship quite in the way I do? What if I look so different now that they don't recognize any of my pictures??? (Okay, I really don't look that different..... A few pounds heavier, but then, who isn't???)

I'm not sure why, but it's always so gratifying when they write back!!! I think it's great fun to see how everyone has turned out..... What career they have, if they have spouses (who their spouses are), if they have kids, are globe travellers..... All kind of fun things.

When I had a Myspace page, I posted a folder of old pics. I thought it would be fun to do with my FB account, too. But, of course, I can't find the file I scanned the pics to anywhere on 2 computers or our external HD. Ugh. So me..... I know I scanned 5 or 6 of them.....

Anyhow, I found one from the "old days". I don't think either of the two other girls in the pic read my blog. Otherwise they might hunt me down for posting the pic :).... Yes, I'm still in touch with them. Via Facebook.

I'm the one on the bottom right.

Sassy and Sweet

With all the sassy that I have in my house, sometimes I forget just how sweet my kids are.

Take this morning.... I got home around 8, as usual. Chris, Paige, and Finn were up and awake to greet me. (Finn with a pterodactyl-like shriek, and immediate scooting over to the door.) Aiden was still upstairs in bed asleep, which is very unusual. Maybe it was because he was still asleep in our bed. Anyhow, I got ready for bed and crawled in next to him, hoping not to wake him. No suck luck. But then he opened his eyes, completely awake (how do kids do that???), looked at me, smiled, and said "Morning, Mama. How was work last night?" Then he said, "I love you, Mama." And he stayed with me until I went to sleep. What a sweetie!!!

Aiden also told Chris this morning that he didn't end up in bed with Daddy last night 'cause he had a bad dream.... "It's just 'cause I wanted to snuggle you, Dad."

Just now, Chris and Paige were leaving to get haircuts. Aiden was happily ensconced in Chris' office chair playing Xbox (Lego Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues, of course). When he realized they were leaving, he called out with a merry "Bye, Paige! Love you!!! Have fun with Daddy...." To which she promptly answered, "Love you too, Aiden!!! I will!!!"

It just melts my heart that they really do love each other. And they tell each other without my prompting. I know that won't happen in years to come, but I hope that they always feel it in their hearts, even when they don't say it.

I try to remember the sweet moments when I want to tear my hair out because they've been screaming at each other all afternoon......

Feeding Frenzy

It's lunchtime. My big kids are eating spaghetti-o's and chicken. Okay, maybe not the healthiest meal out there, but not the worst, either. As I'm spooning spaghetti-o's into my 10 month old's mouth (he LOVES them, by the way), I contemplate the staggering differences between feeding your first child and feeding your third. For the sake of brevity here, we'll totally skip talking about feeding that 2nd child (sorry Paige; sometimes it reallty does suck to be that middle child).

Your baby is 4-6 months old. At one of the many well baby checks, your doctor hands over the "Airplane, Choo-choo, and Other Games Parents Play" brochure. You know, the one with all the feeding recommendations in it. You look at your 4 month old and think, "Solids????? That's still forever away!!!!"

With Aiden, I followed this guide to the letter. Loved it. It tells you what to introduce when, and how much. I'm not one of those (insert adjective of choice here) moms who has the time or inclination to make my own baby food- organic or otherwise. I think Gerber in the jar works just as well. And come on, it's just easier. We did the whole one new food a week thing until we made it through all the fruits and veggies. Then we added the combo foods- cereals, fruits, and veggies. Blah, blah, blah. Only egg yolks until a year, no citrus until a year, and on and on.... As a result (and this is my sincere opinion), we have one of the pickiest eaters in creation on our hands.

Okay, I won't skip Paige completely here.... With the 2nd child, we were way more relaxed. Still one food at a time at first, and I broke out that good ol' brochure and looked at it a few times. Buuuuuttt... she ate a lot more "table food" a lot sooner. It was just easier. I figured out at about 10 months that she could eat what her brother was eating. I started thinking that jarred foods much past then were a racket. And she is a much less picky eater than her big brother.

Fast forward to baby #3. Yes, we started with jarred food. And yes, we introduced one at a time. One veggie a day, then a fruit the next day, then a veggie, and so on. None of that waiting a week crap. Finn (and Paige for that matter) hated baby cereal and refused it from the beginning. Okay. No biggie. I think I gave him cheerios for the first time at 6 months. I know he got crackers then. We moved on to the stage 2 foods by 6 1/2 months, and he was getting either toast or Eggo waffles for breakfast by the time he was 7 months. Hmmmmm.... if Finn can eat toast for breakfast, then he can handle texture just fine. It was the beginning of the end.

Finn is just 10 mo old now, and I think he's been eating what we eat since 8 1/2 or 9 months. We give him the occasional jar of food every now and then to supplement with a fruit or veggie if we are having a particularly non-nutritious day. But he's getting to the point now that he doesn't like much jarred food any more. He'd much rather have "big people food". Which is fine with me. It's cheaper, and easier for me to deal with.

As a disclaimer: I'm not stupid. No peanutbutter or honey until a year. I cut up food small enough not to be a choking hazard. I watch him carefully the first time I give him something. There are lots of moms out there who would gasp in horror at the way I feed my baby. But you know what? He's happy, healthy and thriving.

Adventures in Dressmaking, part II

Why, oh why must I do these things to myself???? I have tried to sew from patterns for years; and for years I have kicked myself every time. You'd think I would learn.....

So...... I diligently cut out the pattern, in size 5 mind you, cut the fabric, and started piecing things together. Swearing to myself that this time would be the time that I'd follow the instructions to the letter, and end up with a beautifully sewn dress for Sis. Uh huh. Swearing to myself while blatantly ignoring the fact that reading sewing patterns is, for me, like reading Chinese and knowing that something always goes wildly wrong.

I worked on the blasted thing for probably three hours last night. The bodice went together without a hitch, and I was stoked that this seemed to be moving in the right direction. Then, I managed to make the ruffles with minor difficulty. Sweet!!! It took a little longer to put the ruffles on the overskirt... I will admit to expressing a few... adult only words.... I'm getting tired by this point. (I tried to sew in the afternoon, but apparently the sewing machine triggers something in Finn that necessitates him screaming as soon as it turns on....) By now, the instructions in the blasted pattern are starting to look like arabic- they want me to put the what where???? Still, I managed to get the overskirt onto the bodice. *Whew*

Then I really looked at it. I swear I cut the size 5 pattern lines, I really did. Seriously, I think this thing would fit a 14 year old..... It's HUGE!!!!! No way my little twiggy 4 year old is going to be able to wear this monstrosity. And it looks messy.... How did that happen???? Crap, crap, crap!!!! (Although I'm pretty sure I didn't say "crap"...)

Ugh, I'll see if I can fix it tomorrow.

Adventures in Dressmaking, part I

Paige has never hit the Disney Princess stage. Really, we've kinda liked it that way. We can handle Ponies who fly the Millennium Falcon, and Care Bears who go on Secret Agent missions. Way more fun than silly, girly princess stuff.

Then my mom and I took the kids to see The Princess and the Frog. (The best movie Disney has put out in years, incidentally.) The kids loved it! Aiden more than Paige, I thought. But as the days went on, Paige wanted to play Princess and the Frog, and the only books she wanted to read was her Princess and the Frog book Santa brought, and it was Princess Tiana-this and Princess Tiana-that. Hmmmmmm............

At Target we found a cute long-sleeved dress that had Princess Tiana on it. ON SALE!!!! Those are the best kind. We bought it, and I think Paige wore it for three days solid. One day, she had a tiny "accident" in it, and I had to run it thru the sanitary cycle in the wash..... which effectively melted most of Princess Tiana off the front. Crap. Of course I couldn't find a replacement.

Soooooo...... I offered to make Sis a Princess Tiana dress to replace the one that was cooked. What was I thinking???? A simple, cute little dress idea has morphed into making a Tiana princess dress, complete with pattern and all. Why do I do these things to myself?

Here is the fabric and pattern that Paige chose:

I'm having problems with Blogger again. I've loaded this pic 5 different times, and it refuses to put the pic in my post the correct way. You get the idea, anyway...

It's been 10 months....

As Chris so aptly put it a couple nights ago, "He's been out longer than he was in!!!"

Yes, another month has flown by, and it's time again for Finn's Milestone Moments.

As you can see to the left, his newest trick is pulling himself up. He just got to his feet about 2 days ago, but was proficient at pulling up to his knees before then. Surely walking's not far behind. Ugh; I thought I had at least another 2 months with no walking!

We've mastered the art of (awkward) crawling. The kid is fast! He still doesn't crawl on his hands and knees, but apparently he doesn't have to.

We can sneak an occasional jar of baby food into him, but once he realizes that's what is being spooned into him, he will refuse to eat any more. Really, who would want to eat that stuff???? Big people food is so much better!

Finn's starting to sleep through the night about half the time. Which of course means going to bed at 7 and getting up at 7:30 if I'm lucky. Waaaaaay too early for Chris and me, but who can complain about 12 hours of sleep out of the baby? However....

....he is beginning to refuse naps during the day. We're talking screaming battle of wills- and sometimes he's not the one screaming ;). This week we've been lucky to get 1 hour and a half long nap out of him during the day. Which would be okay if he wasn't tired and grumpy the rest of the day...

Finn babbles like a pro, and is discovering those areas of pitch that only dogs can hear. And he finally said Mama. (And hasn't quit since...) Who am I kidding? I love every mama that comes out of his mouth.

Every day is an adventure!